Secebis kata buat seseorang,
You, were once my everything, more than anything.
You taught me more to life, there are far more things to be learn & discover than meets the eye.
Love, friendship, hardship, care, wisdom - life is full of experiences & adventures as vast as the blue vast ocean – to sum a few, all by just being with you.
You certainly complements certain traits of mine. My black, anguish, raging short-tempered of mine, just with a smile, you threw them away, just like the leaves of Autumn, being swept away by the clear, breeze of wind. At times, just like a mere punchbag, you received every single batch of rage, well yes, short – temper can’t always be locked away. Did you blast back, with that part of yer own hot – tempered in you? Did you falter, best knowing that there are no cure to such impureable part of me? No! You did the one method best chosed to handle this beastly act of mankind, quiet. Quiet. Just be quiet. Let it be. Leave ‘em for a sec. No harms done. To ‘em, nor to you.
At times, you did what women do best. Tears. Yes, some might say, that tears are always an easy exit for women. Cry, for sure they’ll get attention, or be left alone, as in the case stated previously. But no, to you, yer tears are rare. They are yer gold,, yer diamond, no way you’ll leave ‘em out in public. By sheding a drop of tear, means throwing out one of yer precious belongings. Yet, you know when to show such tears, you’ve always shared ‘em with yer family & friends. Just to make me happy, not worrying the slightest bit. But from them I learnt it eventually, making me regret. You know the best way of teaching me, reaching out to me, with care & sincerity.
Sincerity. Yes. That smile of yours. Sweet, shy yet sincere smile of yer always made my day. To long for such moment, was among other things that kept me mind on you. Many may change about you, but that smile, that ‘triple S’ smile of yours will always remain. Even most of yer friends acknowledge that smile of yours, ‘brighten up my day’, ‘wash off the sadness in me’, ‘makes me smile & happy’ just to name a few. Smile is a ‘sedekah’, it is not just a friendly expression, it could even lighten up others that sees it not to mention it could also lift off burden on some.
Ah yes. During those days you were regarded as me number 2. And at times, you even leap yourself to number 1. Astaghfirullah, such were the power of ‘the two of us’ we were blinded in. Me philosophy, me priority of love was & has always been in the order of; 1st God. 2nd Islam. 3rd family. The first, as clearly as it indicates, God must always be a priority in whatever things we’re doing. Then comes number 2; Islam. In this part, are all the things we as Muslims must obey. Things such as ‘Rukun Iman’, ‘Rukun Islam’ follow Gods orders & stay away from sins, ‘Syirik’, ‘Dosa-dosa besar’ etc. Obeying & loving your two parents also falls in this category, for it is one of the ‘dosa-dosa besar’ if we disobey them. The third, family, consist mostly of our brothers & sisters, close relatives, friends, muslim brothers & sisters all around the world. This, is my belief that whom we must love most, by going through the ranks. But being with you, messes the ranks. You were supposed to be number 4, but you climb up to number 2, even worst to state, number 1. Yes, this kind of love, will blind us. I’ve felt it, falling hard crumbling to the ground.
Yet again. You. Sensing such disforgivable sins, step up to me. You wind back the time, tracing all what we’ve done, mostly are from my schemes, & arrange all of them memories, on the desk. We were blind, reaching to this point by walking in pitch black darkness, striving forward just by our reasoning alone. Drifted away, far away, from the road that should’ve brought us to our castle, we were led to house made by candies, chocolates & all from what a child could have ever wanted. Yes, from the outside, it was surely seen like heaven. But inside, lies await hell. Just like Hansel & Gretel. Blinded by mere fatamorgana. While the castle, from far away seems like a small house, but in truth, the real heaven. I knew not back then. Me eyes were shut.
Now. All seems dark, gloomy at first. Without that smile of yours, without that caring thoughts & positive words of yours, life seems to be engulfed in darkness. Seeing a girl, makes me mind play back all of our memories together. Such happiness, we were living in a heaven of our own. Enrage in flames, was how I felt back when you said we are over. A pair goes back being two singles, a peanut broken down to two shell, a pair of glass turn to two individual lenses.
Why? Why? Such a thing was not acceptable. Nope. Not by me. Did you love me not, for all the times we’re together? Were all lies? Anger filled me mind. And yes. Those damned creatures by God were filling in me thoughts & reasonings.
Slowly, as time flies by, clock ticking in its usual manner, day by day, week by week, month by month, it came to me. I understand now. Every single one of your acts, every single body language of yours, expression, behaviour, makes sense to me. It was to make me a better person. To blend me into a better muslim. To crement me into a good husband.
“If you done that kind of thing, how would I ever believe you won’t repeat such manner?” Yes, for now I understood. A ‘pair’ is not necessary. Even God never gave such alternative in His Holy Quran. No. The only way for a man & a woman which are not ‘muhrim’ to be together is marriage.
Now, even if me heart aches for you every single moment, just to see you, just to see yer smile, I now know what to do. Let I be, ignore it, but always pray to Him. I am not perfect. At times I can’t completely ignore it, but it is worth a try. But, for Him, I will do my best not to find for meself a ‘pair’ in the wrong way ever again. Not with you, not with anyone else. Ameen Ya Allah.
You. I did & will at times pray so that we may be together with His blessings. But He is Just, He knows more than us mere mortals, & whom knows better of the creation more than its Creator? So whatever happens, I believe fully in Him & His choices. Just as stated in His Holy Quran:
”Evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women. And good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. Those [good people] are declared innocent of what the slanderers say. For them is forgiveness and noble provision.” 24 : 26.
May we always live & prosper under His guidance, & may we die just for Him, not for anything or anyone else. Ameen.
